August 2nd, 2012
Well, it’s done. I had surgery Wednesday, August 1st to have my left and only Fallopian tube removed. This surgery is called a Salpingectomy. The surgeon said everything went very well. Textbook she said. I am soooo grateful that the surgery went as planned and that it is behind us. I am looking forward to healing and moving forward. I have a feeling that the physical recovery will be easy compared to the emotional. I can’t shake this feeling of being less than a woman now. I mean, women are meant to carry children, to reproduce, to give their husbands a child to call their own. I feel damaged, a shell, an incomplete woman. And although I know Mr. B doesn’t feel this way at all, I can’t help but have fleeting thoughts about whether he will still love me. Still want me. Still need me. I know that he does, and I feel silly for letting those negative thoughts even enter my mind, but they have, and they are. Mr. B once said, “A man wants a woman who is 2 things…fertile and has curves.” That is totally out of context and I’m pretty certain it was playful banter that isn’t entirely true, but it has stuck with me. Especially, because now, I am neither of those things.