But…Why Not Adoption?

I am not opposed to adoption, at all. I actually would love to adopt a child someday. Mr. B on the other hand will need a little more persuading. He’s not anti-, but not completely for it either. I just think he’d take a little longer to get used to the idea. I looked into the option of adoption after my ectopic pregnancy, when we knew we were going to have trouble conceiving. I was shocked when I found out just how much adoption can cost. The overall cost of adoption in the state of California can range from $20,000-$40,000 depending on so many factors. And if you want to go international…forget it, easily a $50,000 expense. $20,000 – $50,000 is no pocket change to us. It made me so sad (and mad) that adoption could cost so much. There are so many mothers out there, just waiting, wanting, and deserving…but because of how much adoption costs, they can’t afford it. It breaks my heart! Here are some of the things you will/could pay for in adoption:

  • Adoption Homestudy Fees
  • Travel Expenses
  • Agency Filing Fees
  • Requirements of the State
  • Birth Mother Expenses – this is where it can get REALLY expensive. You could end up paying the birth mother’s legal fees, living expenses, maternity care, in home schooling, and/or counseling services.

And if you want to adopt internationally, here are some additional fees you can expect:

  • Child’s Foster Care
  • Child’s Medical Care
  • Visa Clearance and Medical Exam
  • Foreign Attorney Fees
  • Airfare for Required Pre-Adoption Visits
  • Donation to the Foreign Orphanage

We could Foster to Adopt, which typically would cost less than $5,000, however, you run the risk of the child being taken away and returned to their birth parents. I don’t know if I could care for a child as my own for 6 months, 8 months, a year, only to have him/her taken away. Especially if it’s a bad situation I know they are returning to. That takes quite a strong and special person to be able to live with that…and I’m not sure I am quite that person.

When I found out the cost of adoption, I was heart broken. Then I looked into how much IVF would cost and it is significantly cheaper. Not cheaper if you have to do multiple rounds of IVF, but 1 or 2 are well under what the cost of what an adoption could potentially be. And then, we could have a chance to have our own biological child. Not that I would love or care for a non-biological child any differently, because I wouldn’t. I know that for a fact! Little man isn’t my biological child, but I love him just like he is. He is my son. End of story. I know I could feel this same way about an adoptive child, and maybe someday we will get to experience this. But for now, looking at the cost of both, IVF is significantly better on the savings account and we could have a chance to have a baby that is part me and part Mr. B. I think it’s only natural to want to carry and deliver a child that is a perfect mix between your husband and you. An so, we decided that IVF was the route for us, at least for now. In a perfect world, if money were no object (and I could get Mr. B on board), we would have a baby through IVF first, then adopt a baby a few years later. Maybe that will be God’s plan for us. Maybe it won’t. Just trying to keep an open mind and open heart through this whole process.


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