Last night was the trigger shot. The very last shot in order to get everything ready for our egg retrieval tomorrow morning. The trigger gives the eggs a boost of HCG which will get them through the final maturation steps before being retrieved. Man, it felt so good last night knowing that it was going to be our last injection (hopefully ever)! And then I woke up this morning and kinda felt sad about that. Weird, I know. It’s not that I liked the injections by any means, but they weren’t all that bad either. They are way easier than I had imagined they would be. I also didn’t get all bruised, crazy moody, or have any side effects really at all while on them. The thing I will miss the most about them, is that it was something that Mr. B and I came together to do each and every night for the past 2 weeks. It became a sweet routine. I know what you are thinking, how could giving a shot to your spouse be sweet? But it was. You see, Mr. B HATES needles. And the fact that he put his fear for them aside in order to do what he had to take care of me…it was really selfless and loving of him. I have an image of him forever burned into my mind and my heart. It is the image of him the moment before he would administer the shots. He would be down on his knees, eye level with my stomach, and look up at me with those BIG blue eyes. Then he would try to make a joke, say something silly, or even make a crazy sound to throw me off before sticking the needle in. It always did the trick to distract me just enough. Then he would scan my face for any flinch or sign of pain to see if he had hurt me or if he was pushing the plunger in too fast. And I’ll never forget how loving, kind, and worried those eyes were as they were staring back at me. I will miss these tender moments together. And although, I definitely don’t plan to give or receive shots in order to keep this intimacy alive, it was a different kind of intimacy that I hadn’t experienced yet in our relationship…and I do want to keep that alive! It reminded me of how Jesus may have felt washing his disciples feet. It was an act of love, kindness, service and humility. It was a lesson and reminder that I want this in our relationship, always.
My egg retrieval is tomorrow morning at 8:30. I am so nervous about the procedure and the fact that after tomorrow, everything will truly be out of my hands. Up until this point, I have been able to do what I do best…research, research, research. Over the past few months I have done more research than is probably healthy in preparing for IVF. Research on different protocols, things to do to hopefully increase my chances for a successful outcome, and how to overall prepare my body for this journey. I have learned a ton about this process and the act of conceiving in general. Then, I have spent the past few months focusing on implenting all the things I learned. Increase water & protein consumption, taking my vitamins & supplements like clockwork, getting a good nights sleep, decreasing stress, praying like never before, etc. This has kept me focused and helped me to feel “productive”. Like I was doing something, anything to increase our chances at this. Although I know that in the end, if this is God’s will, it will be…I had to feel like I was doing something instead of just waiting around for our miracle. I wanted to be pro-active and go after it like I’d never gone after anything before. I know without a doubt I have done this. And no matter what the outcome, I have no regrets.
After tomorrow, it is truly out of my hands…and that is so scary. Although I will continue to do my part by taking care of my body, my mind, and my soul…all the things I have been doing up until this point, I can’t control how many eggs are retreived, how many are mature, how many fertilize, how many divide and grow as they should, or even how many implant and become our baby. Although I’ve given this entire journey over to God and had to fully trust Him in all of this, tomorrow I will hand it ALL over to Him. I have to truly let go and let God.
Family & friends, please pray that the egg retrieval will go smoothly tomorrow. Please pray that the RE is careful and thorough when extracting the eggs and that the Embryologist is just as careful and thorough when fertilizing and monitoring our precious embryos. Please pray that they will divide and grow as they should and that we will have a few excellect quality embryos to work with. Please pray for our strength and trust as we let go and let God.
Thanks for all your love and support,
~ xoxo Mrs. B