What a stressful morning! After waking up to spotting this morning, I rushed down to my OB’s office for an emergency ultrasound. I’m typically not a head case and wouldn’t rush in to get an emergency ultrasound just for the hell of it. I am usually pretty laid back and don’t stress about much. But this baby…man, we have worked so hard for it, wanted it and prayed for it for so long, and we are finally here, blessed with what has seemed like a perfectly healthy pregnancy so far. This makes me so thankful and sometimes so worried at the same time. I guess I just worry that it is too good to be true. I worry that I will wake up one day and it will all be over, just like it has been in the past. I try to remind myself daily that this pregnancy is totally and completely different than any of the others and this WILL be our healthy take home baby! I also remind myself daily that God is watching over us and He will take care of us, this baby, and this pregnancy. I know that. I know and truly believe all these things. But I can’t keep that darn doubt from sneaking it’s ugly head into my thoughts every once in a while. So, when I woke up to spotting this morning, spotting that I have known all too well to be associated with every single one of our losses, I couldn’t help but let my mind prepare myself for the worst.
I arrived to the OB’s office about 10 minutes early, hoping maybe, just maybe I’d get seen a tad bit early, you know, since I had been crying all morning and everything. But nope, they were actually running 10 minutes late. The 20 minutes in the waiting room felt like an eternity. Then, after vitals were taken, I was finally led back to a room, where I was told to undress and wait for the doc. My regular OB wasn’t in that day, so I was seeing someone new. I didn’t care, I was just so happy there was an appointment even open for me, since I wasn’t scheduled and all. Man, it felt like the 20 minutes in the waiting room was excruciating, try sitting there waiting for the doc to come in and staring at the ultrasound equipment that will tell you your baby’s fate in a few minutes time. I had to wait another 10 minutes for the doctor once inside the exam room….and that felt like more than an eternity! I was seriously, so close to grabbing the magic wand and sticking it up my lady parts to search for my baby’s heartbeat. You think I’m joking…but I’m totally not. I have had so many trans-vaginal ultrasounds over the past year, that I’m pretty sure I could do them myself. Especially since I love to research where we are at in this pregnancy and know what we should be looking for at each ultrasound. For this ultrasound, I knew I would be looking for a strong heartbeat, a measurement of baby at or around 8 wks 1 day, and I would be looking to make sure there were no blood clots, or to see what the cause of my spotting was. Looking at that wand just sitting there taunting me, I seriously was seconds away of grabbing it and starting the ultrasound on my own. Pretty sure that wouldn’t have made the OB too happy, so I was glad when she knocked and came in just as I was reaching for the wand.
After what seemed like ages of going through my history (since she wasn’t my regular OB) and asking me all sorts of questions, she finally got down to business. First she checked my cervix to make sure it was closed. It was, but she did notice some old (brown) blood pooled up there. She said that could be the cause for the spotting but she couldn’t be sure quite yet. After checking my cervix, she moved onto what I had been waiting for all morning. I just wanted to see that my baby was alive and okay. The ultrasound screen was turned towards her so that I couldn’t see it at first. I was left studying the face of a woman I had never met before. She was a cute little asian woman and didn’t show much emotion at all, until I saw a slight little turn upwards of the corners of her mouth. I was praying that it was a smile. Sure enough, she turned the screen for me and showed me a beautiful baby with a perfect heartbeat. And this time, I got to hear it! The poor OB must have thought that I was a loon as I was crying and blubbering like a baby on the table. I kept saying, “I’m so sorry, I am just so happy. We want this baby SO bad.” She kept reassuring me that it was okay and that she was glad she could deliver good news. Especially after all she could see that we had been through to have this baby and to get this far. She said it made her day.
Heartbeat was 150 and baby was measuring at 8 wks 0 days (I am 8 wks 1 day today, so only a day behind). I let out a huge sigh of relief. She then continued to check out the rest of my uterus to see if she could find the cause for spotting. She couldn’t see any other reason than the pooled old blood on the cervix. She also said something about it possibly being breakthrough bleeding which is quite common. Breakthrough bleeding can occur early on when it is taking your body time to adjust completely to pregnancy. Sometimes, some of the hormonal fluctuations that governed your menstrual cycle can continue to rise and fall. As a result, some women experience light breakthrough bleeding around the time their period was due. This would make sense since I am 8 wks 1 day today, and if I wasn’t pregnant, would be expecting my period either yesterday or today.
Whatever reason, it caused me quite a scare this morning. I still am not totally comfortable with the fact that I am lightly spotting, which she said may occur for a few more days, but it makes me feel a whole lot better that we got to see and hear our baby’s heartbeat today. Thank you God! What a relief!
Here’s a picture of our little bean, or “praying mantis” as we’ve been referring to it, thanks to it’s most recent glamour shot.